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Every so often a woman needs to gather herself. They say that we put most of our worries, concerns, anxieties, desires, problems, hopes, dreams, mundane everyday thoughts, the grocery list, the bills, the laundry, and the decision of what we are going to wear tomorrow all in the same basket. A basket? That seems a little too small for what is whirling around in me most days. Gathering. I don’t need it every so often. I need it daily. Maybe even three or more times a day. Some days do you just feel like you can’t hold everything?
This is the beauty of a woman. She multitasks. She takes care of others. She manages mucho. In many ways she is often the glue that holds a lot together. But what about her? Who and what is holding her together? Does she even know where she is at? Does she know who she is? Where and when can she let down? How does she rest to regain fuel for the next hour, the next day, the next month? When does the SuperWoman cape come off and the sweats and slippers come on?
I came out of a graduate program that taught me how to be still with the Lord—all throughout the day. I know the incredible, almost unbelieveable peace that comes from this discipline. It’s also so stinkin’ easy to fall off the boat. Especially in our fast paced world—full of many commitments, people, task lists, jobs, relationships, leisure that all need us. Let me tell you. I know this all too well. And to top it off, I started a job in the Information Technology Department at a university this year. That will throw your peace off kilter real fast.
The IT world is not—let me say that with a little more emphasis—NOT still. Technology is used to access. It helps you to get and see anything you want right here, right now, in this exact moment. While I’m thankful, I’m also cautious. There can be real danger in these areas. This part of our world is fast-paced, advancing, always moving at highspeed internet lightning connected speed. We want things now. We need things now. We expect things yesterday. Our patience lacks. As you can imagine, being the woman who manages all the random behind-the-scenes administrative like duties of this 45 people (mostly men) team—I quickly broke.
I remember saying, “I can’t do this. God, what the heck? Why would you put me here?” I’m surrounded by computers, iPads, wireless, and I can access whatever/whenever. I even have an iPhone now and I love it. I remember thinking—this is with purpose, Charity. There is something for you to learn here. Something big. Your workplace could completely take you away from what you know. Or you could attempt to incorporate what you already know into this situation. The good ole Hooper reminder, “Remember who you are, Charity” kept echoeing inside of me when I just wanted to freak out. You can do this. This experience has given me a taste of how our worlds can get totally rocked and every day I go into a place that is full of everything that could take me away from a still peaceful place.
I’ve learned this is just reality. Stress, craziness, busyness, problems, lists, things to do. This is life. Immediately and almost indignantly, I yelled inside, “No way, José…I don’t want to live like this.” It throws me off. I guess it was good that I was aware and bugged. Something just didn’t feel right inside. Yes, this is life. But it doesn't have to stress me out. There is a different way to live.
What about unplugging? Quiet moments? Nature? A massage. A glass of wine on the patio? Smoking a cigar? A date with the husband? A coffee date with a girlfriend who pours into you? Getting up early to see the sunrise? A really intense workout at the gym? A visit to a playground? A trip to the mountains? Walking along the ocean? Taking a nap. Getting your hair done? A pedicure? Saying NO to something? Creating space for down time?
Stopping. Sitting. Gathering. Finding our way back to God. Jesus drew away from the world often. He would go away by himself and spend time…probably gathering himself. Maybe we should do it more. Retreat. It’s been an important word and practice in my life. The dictionary describes it as, “The act or process of withdrawing, especially from something hazardous, formidable, or unpleasant. A place affording peace, quiet, privacy, or security. A period of seclusion, retirement, or solitude. Withdrawal of a military force from a dangerous position or from an enemy attack." I guess all of this fits—in some way, in certain pieces and places of life. Finding this space in our lives is a continuous process. Something that will be a part of our lives until we die. This is all a part of gathering.
I am learning to love technology, but also love space and am trying to remember how we lived without it all. Sometimes all the information I need is where my heart is at in this present moment. Everything else can go away for a little bit. I’ll end with this quote from a book called “Jesus Calling” and then a poem that a friend of mine shared with me a few years ago. May they bless you.
“You must discipline yourself to live within the boundaries of today. It is in the present moment that I walk close to you, helping you carry your burdens. Keep your focus on My Presence in the present.” (from the book, “Jesus Calling”)
Gather Me to Be with You
From Guerrillas of Grace
O God, gather me now
to be with you as
you are with me.
Soothe my tiredness; quiet my fretfulness;
curb my aimlessness; relieve my compulsiveness;
let me be easy for a moment.
O Lord, release me
from the fears and guilts which grip me so tightly;
from the expectations and opinions which I so tightly grip,
that I may be open to receiving what you give,
to risking something genuinely new, to learning something refreshingly different.
O God, gather me
to be with you as
you are with me.
Forgive me for claiming so much for myself
that I leave no room for gratitude; for confusing exercises in self-importance
with acceptance of self-worth; for complaining so much of my burdens
that I become a burden
for competing against others so insidiously that I stifle celebrating them
and receiving your blessing through their gifts.
O God, gather me
to be with you
as you are with me.
Keep me in touch with myself,
with my needs, my anxieties, my angers, my pains, my corruptions,
that I may claim them as my own rather than blame them on someone else.
O Lord, deepen my wounds into wisdom;
shape my weaknesses into compassion;
gentle my envy into enjoyment,
my fear into trust, my guilt into honesty,
my accusing fingers into tickling ones.
O God, gather me
to be with you
as you are with me.
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